Let them be wrong about you

We may embrace the idea of not judging others; this does not immediately free us from the fear of being judged by others. Hans Christian Andersen's story of the ugly duckling reminds us of the fact that we may be excluded, simply based on the fact of being different. Being different makes us vulnerable and vulnerability may end up with injury. In the end, we become our injuries. The fear of being injured in the future may have a paralysing effect on us, even to such an extent that we proclaim a final judgement over us that is worse than the original blame. (Moreover, of all dreadful judges, you are probably the worst one for yourself.)

In the social media, we discover our fellow human beings are often wrong about many things: be it elections, climate or the meaning of woke. Even in academic circles, the reasoning of our fellow human beings is far from straight. The most educated people may end up with totally opposite opinions, depending on how their youth traumas made them look at the world. We may deeply regret this but generally we have no other option than to live with it. If our fellow human beings are wrong so often about so many things, why couldn't they be wrong about us? We do our best in the hope that humanity keeps a nice track record about us. Alas, humanity does not care.

In general, gossip, misunderstanding and stupidity may destroy our reputation in our limited social habitat. It doesn't help to be perfect: don't even try this! Instead, accept it, let it go and allow your fellow human beings to be wrong or at least incomplete about you. You rarely lose anything by allowing that to happen. People say stupid things all the time and they would have been wrong about you anyway! The happy ending is not that you become a swan, but you may feel like one! You win an enormous freedom: the freedom to be and to do what you like. You will no longer be paralysed. This can be a very liberating thought.

I also refer to another Hans Christian Andersen's fairy tale: the Emperor's New Clothes.

Picture: from the book Andersens Sprookjesschat, Zuid-Nederlandse Uitgeverij – Antwerpen/Amsterdam 1966